Air temperature is 121 in the shade. The only shade is under that road sign. If you want to sit there to get out of the sun, you will have to kill something. If you think people are possessive of their parking spots in the city, this will open your eyes.
How is your car's air conditioner doing? Take the exit, dude. Seventy miles down this road a sharp rock will puncture your fuel tank, all the gas will run out stopping the air-conditioner and you will die in two square feet of shade while your girlfriend is trying to suck moisture from your neck.
I know, you're smart and brought six gallons of water but the second your get it out of the trunk, a huge scaly thing will run out of the desert and grab it, spike you with it's tail and run back into the desert with a maniacal cackle.
On a lighter note, it's not always as bad as the above, here's a guy that made it out of there in one piece. Of course, technically, he's dead but he did make it out and he is in one piece. There is a terrible gash in the forehead, cause unknown but that's nothing for out here.
Guy who made it back!
Took a while to shake the scorpions out of his pants
What this guy did (nice hat) was to foolishly think he could just squat down in the desert and take a crap since nobody is looking. Haha, how silly is that? No, always bring a folding potty at the very least.
He squatted down all right but something powerful reached up, grabbed his danglers and never let go until the Ranger poured some gasoline down it's hole. Make you wonder if the thing was mad or hungry.
وينبغي أن يكونكومةحصىكبيرجداينتج300-500غالون يوميامن المياهحتىفي مناخجافنسبيا.(الجيش الاميركيكوربللمهندسين)
أنانكتةمع أصدقائيالعربفي ولاية كاليفورنياعن طريق رميبعضالرمالعلى الطاولةفي ستاربكسحيثتواجهقهوتهم. أنا أقول إن هذاهوالرملأنهاتتبعفيالولايات المتحدةمن الشرق الأقصى. ثمأقول لهمإن الموساد الإسرائيليهناللحصول عليهمرة أخرى!الموساديريدحتىالغبار عنأقدامهم!
Might work out OK in Las Vegas but will get you eaten in the desert.
Coral snake: "Red on yellow, kills a fellow" (Nursery rhyme) Chews on its prey has fangs and teeth Sorry, no antivenin, all gone
New: Sacramento CEO Club. Sacto, San Francisco, Marin County, Carmel, Granite Bay
In the formative stages. Very cool and will stimulate the bored CEO and they can bring the kids (maybe) http://sacceoclub.blogspot.com/
Afraid of Chickens? You may have Alektorophobia!! See phobias A to Z http://phobialist.com/
Artist Farrell Hamann
FB wants to know what's on my mind. Well,
nothing.. Wife and I both heard a noise, a pat pat pat, not loud. Rat in
the wall biting up phone cords or just the dog? California roof rat
will run right up your leg trying to get away. Handsome, tawny little
buggers. Run up you then jump for the curtains. I only know this because
former neighbor caught one and we were pet sitting and wife decided to
let the poor thing go free. Rat invaded my personal space. Just glad it
didn't run up the inside of my pant leg.
Emir" Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah, expert foot licker AKA Dog breath.
Please note: every disclaimer ever written applies to material on this page. Scrolling down this page means that you agree to these terms. gofundme.com/f/critter-and-castle-fun
I swear by my beard that I will do the best I can for all clients.
I need two million USD right away. For your money you get something very cool.
Note: If you're here looking for a pecker checker, you are at the wrong location, we have no real medical experience whatsoever so move along or we will call the cops.
Your money is in safe hands (note the Black Hand and the Jolly Roger) For really loyal investors who maybe "act up" a bit, get frisky, we have a complementary (free) burial plan in the New Jersey Pine Barrens or just about anywhere in Newark, your call.
OBEY!
Don't you just hate it when you bury a chest of gold out in the woods and when you go to retrieve it, you can't find it AGAIN?
Gargoyle Man (former investor)
Madam La Duck will make sure your "de" investment experience will be a pleasant one.
We can't confirm this but it has been said that a session with Madam La Duck is somewhat like "wrapping your privates in aluminum foil and running out into an electrical storm." The "pud" shown here is a mock up, of course, only intended to illustrate the point. No true pud was harmed in the creation of this photograph. Muhahahaha Before committing our mighty brain power to the firm of Hamann Capitol and Associates, we ran a very successful dating service in Manhattan with a very elite clientele.
Bitey the Cat Dating Service
Before we closed our doors for good, one rejected client's last words to Bitey were: "May you be starving and drop your last bran muffin in the camel's pen" We don't know what that means, exactly and have engaged a cryptographer to decipher it for us. He also said he was going to fire a cruise missile suppository up our shorts and, since he was highly connected in the world of arms sales internationally, we took him seriously.
Our Foreign Technology Office has gathered some very valuable materials (examples above and below) often items never before seen by Western Intelligence Circles. You have to promise not to copy or sketch these devices to proceed further. Also, we refuse to deal with North Korea in any capacity having been stiffed in the past on "Balls of Fire" brand cheap Chinese bicycles. Shame on you, NK!! News Flash: James Wigderson of WI and his stupid blog suks ass
It is categorically untrue that King Farrell (formerly Old Butthairs) leaked highly sophisticated technology to the "Eastern Block" in the form of instruction that: while they are panning for uranium, if they dip their asses into the icy creek. (they are less likely to flop forward since the wet butt adds just the correct amount of weight to maintain stability) I think the NSA will agree that this technique has been a well known "secret" for many years. All Hamann ever did was inform them that the FBI would gladly provide free assays on all uranium, no questions asked. No crime there... Just being helpful.
Warning: unauthorized use of this material will result in the LAPD citing your Orthodontist for harboring beavers!!
Our Motto: "Hang higher than a Hamann
I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your dress up!
That would be the "danglers", people. Hidden behind the palm frond
Here's a joke I read in the Wall Street Journal of all places. Just posted it to Max on G+:
A Soviet Secret Service cop goes out with his wife to the woods to pick
mushrooms. They look and look but can't find any. None. Finally the cop
finds one mushroom.
So the Russian cop finds a stick and goes up and says: "OK, tell me, where are the other mushrooms?"
The mushroom doesn't talk so the guy beat the crap out of the mushroom with his stick....
The wife says: "What the Hell is wrong with you, are you crazy?"
He says: "I was provoked!"
Above: Official bird of Hamann Angel Capitol and Associates Pic taken outside the Golden Arches. It is a dear, noble bird even though it plucked hairs
off the top of my head where it is thin. (See the link to: California Bird Dude below)
I think Donald Trump uses this crap in his hair.
Dumbest little dickhead in the twitter universe? Could be: @Serr8d #StopRush
Above: The History and Social Influence of the Potato.
New: Forming the Sacramento CEO Club. If you live in San Francisco, Marin County, Granite Bay, Carmel, NYC or elsewhere, no problem. Right now housed in my semi humble home/studio. Very cool. Access to genius.
Kubota B6000 tractor. Just like the one I had except I had a loader on the front. Also came with a 6 ft. Woods mower, a HD bush chipper, and a ripper.
Who is the dumbest right wing tweeter in the USA? @Serr8d That's my vote. Guy has his head up Rush Limbaugh's fat ass. Boycott Subway, they sponsor Limbaugh and use Koch brother's Dixie Cups. Thanks to Serr8d, I'm going to more than double my #StopRush efforts. That would include KFBK Right Wing Propaganda radio and Clear Channel (that uses paid callers)
Senior Male underwear model and artist, Farrell Hamann. America's favorite
SeniorenmännlichUnterwäsche-ModelundKünstlerin, FarrellHamann. Amerikas beliebtester
My 25 room palace. Each tower has a secret.
Meine25Zimmer-Palast. Jeder Turmhat ein Geheimnis.MuseumQualitätInvestitionQualitätFine Artfür Ihren kleinenPrinzen oder einer Prinzessinoderals touristische Attraktion. Die weltweit besten.
Several buildings in the Castle Collection of California sculptor, Farrell Hamann. There are ten total not counting the very large castles, palaces, and tower.
Mehrere Gebäudein der BurgCollection ofCaliforniaBildhauer,FarrellHamann. Es gibt zehninsgesamtnicht eingerechnet diesehr großenBurgen, SchlösserundTurm.
Gargoyle vase or urn with "wedding flowers" picked behind a Chinese restaurant in Sacramento, California
(where you have to be somewhat careful that you don't get eaten by a cougar or mountain lion) GargoyleVase oderUrne mit"Wedding Flowers" nahmhintereinem chinesischen Restaurantin Sacramento, Kalifornien
Below: furry man boobs (this could be Serr8d for all I know)
Only known map to Old Fart's secret gold mine in the mother lode of California. The trail is very faint and seldom used. Some elderly local people may know something but are keeping quiet. The area around the prospector's cabin is all dug up, however. Proof that someone is looking. It's really a fantastic placer deposit, not a hard rock mine but you can tell that the gold didn't travel far due to the incredible size of the gold nuggets. Sorry, I was drinking when I made the map at Old Fart's behest. NurbekannteKarte, umgeheimeGoldOld Fart-Mine in derMother Lodein Kalifornien.Der Weg istsehr schwach undselten genutzt.Einige ältereMenschen vor Ortwissen vielleichtetwas, sind aber den Mund halten.Das Gebiet rund umdenGoldsucherKabineistallesumgegraben,aber. Der Nachweis, dassjemandzuschaut.Es ist wirklichein fantastischesPlacerKaution, keinHard RockMineaber man kannsagen, dass das Gold nichtweit reisen,aufgrund der unglaublichenGröße desGold-Nuggets. Leiderwurdeichtrinken, wenn ichdie Karteim OldFartGeheißgemacht.
California's new art museum! Where the cool people hang out. Private collection of sculptor, Farrell Hamann. You can bring kids, dogs, smoke a cigar, or just hang out. In Sacramento. Just call: 1-800-916-7696 Art students welcome. See the famous mosaic eggs, palaces, chateau on rock, Lion tower. Worth the drive down from Granite Bay or Tahoe, or up from SF or Marin County.
Kinetic sculpture. Marble tower toy
"Friendly Series" Acrylic Paintings
Max says Karma has been kind to me:
I suppose, Max, that karma has been
kind to me (like you say). Life could have treated me with more
unkindness. My brother, for example got a live steam burn on his dick,
married a woman so strong that she'd turn the water tap so tightly he
couldn't budge it and frequently would punch him in the gut while he
slept. All that could have happened to me... Wife thinks that I'm lucky!
I
probably am lucky... I was cute back when it really counted and I'm
lucky that all those guys whose wives and girlfriends that I fucked
didn't kill me. I could have gotten an Academy Award for acting back
then with my "innocent" who me kind of affectation.
When My
brother, who I'll call Garibaldi, burned his dick with live steam, he
was naked and hung a very wet towel on a really hot wall heater. His
dick poked the towel against the heater and there was a very loud:
Pssssst!!!! Right then and there, he should have dipped it in cold
water and swished it around but he was probably not thinking clearly.
Probably just blew on it like it was a smoking Colt 45. Not smart.
A
penis injury is never funny.... Hahahahahahaha (sorry). Most severe
dick injuries are caused by slamming it against a hard surface like a
desk causing it to break. Yes, they can break. If broken, seek medical
help immediately, pronto! Many guys don't seek professional help, wait
too long then it is too late. Don't be that guy, spread the word.
Never
broke the pecker but was almost human a kabob sans the heat. I used to
climb trees and, with wild abandon, jump down into near by bushes to
break my fall. I was in Possum Hollow in Michigan and I jumped down into
a bush... The top neatly snapped off forming a lethal point which shot
up my pant leg (just missing the jewels) slid up my belly and under my
shirt and ended up putting some considerable pressure with the point
under my jaw. I couldn't move, I just swayed there for a very long time
in the Michigan sun. Finally, my muffled screams reached someone and
they cut me down. Lucky?
Vagina: Don't let clueless right wing males control the agenda! A Farrell Hamann Fine Art, Out by Noon, video production. Sacramento, CA
Bad Ju Ju, this billionaire twerp and his brother Charles is just as
bad. Exalted One says sneak up and sprinkle him with butthairs but I
don't know.. Risky! Exulted One always coming up with solutions above
my pay grade
