Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Hamann Capitol and Associates

Hamann Capitol and Associates
Reverse investment angels
Bring your deep pockets
Golden balls welcome
we do the best we can.
Our CEO is a cat
A face you can usually trust!
King Farrell (mind like a steel trap)
Please note: every disclaimer ever written applies to material on this page. Scrolling down this page means that you agree to these terms.
I swear by my beard that I will do the best I can for all clients. 
I need two million USD right away. For your money you get something very cool.  
Located in Sacramento, California
Note: If you're here looking for a pecker checker, you are at the wrong location, we have no real medical experience whatsoever so move along or we will call the cops.

Your money is in safe hands (note the Black Hand and the Jolly Roger) For really loyal investors who maybe "act up" a bit, get frisky, we have a complementary (free) burial plan in the New Jersey Pine Barrens or just about anywhere in Newark, your call. 
Don't you just hate it when you bury a chest of gold out in the woods and when you go to retrieve it, you can't find it AGAIN?

Gargoyle Man (former investor)

Madam La Duck will make sure your "de" investment experience will be a pleasant one. 

We can't confirm this but it has been said that a session with Madam La Duck is somewhat like "wrapping your privates in aluminum foil and running out into an electrical storm." The "pud" shown here is a mock up, of course, only intended to illustrate the point. No true pud was harmed in the creation of this photograph. Muhahahaha

Before committing our mighty brain power to the firm of Hamann Capitol and Associates, we ran a very successful dating service in Manhattan with a very elite clientele. 

Bitey the Cat Dating Service

Before we closed our doors for good, one rejected client's last words to Bitey were: "May you be starving and drop your last bran muffin in the camel's pen"  We don't know what that means, exactly and have engaged a cryptographer to decipher it for us. He also said he was going to fire a cruise missile suppository up our shorts and, since he was highly connected in the world of arms sales internationally, we took him seriously.

Our Foreign Technology Office has gathered some very valuable materials (examples above and below) often items never before seen by Western Intelligence Circles. You have to promise not to copy or sketch these devices to proceed further. Also, we refuse to deal with North Korea in any capacity having been stiffed in the past on "Balls of Fire" brand cheap Chinese bicycles. Shame on you, NK!! News Flash: James Wigderson of WI and his stupid blog suks ass

It is categorically untrue that King Farrell (formerly Old Butthairs) leaked highly sophisticated technology to the "Eastern Block" in the form of instruction that: while they are panning for uranium, if they dip their asses into the icy creek.  (they are less likely to flop forward since the wet butt adds just the correct amount of weight to maintain stability)  I think the NSA will agree that this technique has been a well known "secret" for many years. All Hamann ever did was inform them that the FBI would gladly provide free assays on all uranium, no questions asked. No crime there... Just being helpful.

Warning: unauthorized use of this material will result in the LAPD citing your Orthodontist for harboring beavers!!

Our Motto: "Hang higher than a Hamann
I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your dress up!
My evil twin in the bathtub

Coded message. Authorization MK-Ultra Control

World's Finest museum quality toys for the super wealthy. Tycoons take note. 

                       Pièce de résistance

That would be the "danglers", people. Hidden behind the palm frond

 Here's a joke I read in the Wall Street Journal of all places. Just posted it to Max on G+:

A Soviet Secret Service cop goes out with his wife to the woods to pick mushrooms. They look and look but can't find any. None. Finally the cop finds one mushroom.

So the Russian cop finds a stick and goes up and says: "OK, tell me, where are the other mushrooms?"

The mushroom doesn't talk so the guy beat the crap out of the mushroom with his stick....

The wife says: "What the Hell is wrong with you, are you crazy?"

He says: "I was provoked!"

                       Above: Official bird of Hamann Angel Capitol and Associates
Pic taken outside the Golden Arches. It is a dear, noble bird even though it plucked hairs 

off the top of my head where it is thin.  (See the link to: California Bird Dude below)

I think Donald Trump uses this crap in his hair. 

Dumbest little dickhead in the twitter universe? Could be: @Serr8d #StopRush

Cover asset, California Bird Dude: http://cabirddude.blogspot.com/ 

The Exalted One (formerly Old Butthairs) 

Above: AKA Basel/Elmer on his own spy series on YouTube. See Intercepted Video Transmissions, Source Unknown. Channel farrellhamann on YT

@farrellhamann on twitter


Above: The History and Social Influence of the Potato. 

New: Forming the Sacramento CEO Club. If you live in San Francisco, Marin County, Granite Bay, Carmel, NYC or elsewhere, no problem. Right now housed in my semi humble home/studio. Very cool. Access to genius. 



New: Installed art work in my large car shed so you can see cool artworks and hang out. About a block from the Kitchen in Sacramento, CA 

The Inner Sanctum of the Elite of California 

Home of the rich and powerful. Consultant genius to the movers and shakers and idle rich. (High net worth tycoons)

Above: Envoy of billionaires, royalty, and CEO's

 Corruption starts on K St. in Washington D.C. 

Says the Great Blue frog


Magic Skull Bling-bling necklaces. contact me  


 Clutter, tangled wires and the yellow foot of the giant dick with feet sculpture.







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