Zzyzx

There are dry bones in the desert

Exit 23 to Zzyzx, California

Air temperature is 121 in the shade. The only shade is under that road sign. If you want to sit there to get out of the sun, you will have to kill something.  If you think people are possessive of their parking spots in the city, this will open your eyes. 

How is your car's air conditioner doing? Take the exit, dude. Seventy miles down this road a sharp rock will puncture your fuel tank, all the gas will run out stopping the air-conditioner and you will die in two square feet of shade while your girlfriend is trying to suck moisture from your neck.

I know, you're smart and brought six gallons of water but the second your get it out of the trunk, a huge scaly thing will run out of the desert and grab it, spike you with it's tail and run back into the desert with a maniacal cackle. 

On a lighter note, it's not always as bad as the above, here's a guy that made it out of there in one piece. Of course, technically, he's dead but he did make it out and he is in one piece. There is a terrible gash in the forehead, cause unknown but that's nothing for out here.

 

 Guy who made it back! 

Took a while to shake the scorpions out of his pants

What this guy did (nice hat) was to foolishly think he could just squat down in the desert and take a crap since nobody is looking. Haha, how silly is that? No, always bring a folding potty at the very least.

He squatted down all right but something powerful reached up, grabbed his danglers and never let go until the Ranger poured some gasoline down it's hole. Make you wonder if the thing was mad or hungry. 

gofundme.com/f/critter-and-castle-fun

 California Bird Dude

 

Famous little Castles, Palaces, and Dollhouses

Farrell Hamann Fine Art. Sacramento, CA

farrellhamann@sbcglobal.net 

 وينبغي أن يكون كومة حصى كبير جدا ينتج 300-500 غالون يوميا من المياه حتى في مناخ جاف نسبيا. (الجيش الاميركي كورب للمهندسين)

 أنا نكتة مع أصدقائي العرب في ولاية كاليفورنيا عن طريق رمي بعض الرمال على الطاولة في ستاربكس حيث تواجه قهوتهم. أنا أقول إن هذا هو الرمل أنها تتبع في الولايات المتحدة من الشرق الأقصى. ثم أقول لهم إن الموساد الإسرائيلي هنا للحصول عليه مرة أخرى! الموساد يريد حتى الغبار عن أقدامهم!

 Might work out OK in Las Vegas but will get you eaten in the desert.

Coral snake: "Red on yellow, kills a fellow" (Nursery rhyme)
Chews on its prey has fangs and teeth
Sorry, no antivenin, all gone

New: Sacramento CEO Club. Sacto, San Francisco, Marin County, Carmel, Granite Bay
In the formative stages. Very cool and will stimulate the bored CEO and they can bring the kids (maybe)
http://sacceoclub.blogspot.com/

The Inner Sanctum of the Bohemian Elite in Northern California 

Afraid of Chickens? You may have Alektorophobia!! See phobias A to Z
http://phobialist.com/ 

Artist Farrell Hamann


FB wants to know what's on my mind. Well, nothing.. Wife and I both heard a noise, a pat pat pat, not loud. Rat in the wall biting up phone cords or just the dog? California roof rat will run right up your leg trying to get away. Handsome, tawny little buggers. Run up you then jump for the curtains. I only know this because former neighbor caught one and we were pet sitting and wife decided to let the poor thing go free. Rat invaded my personal space. Just glad it didn't run up the inside of my pant leg.

 Emir" Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah, expert foot licker AKA Dog breath. 

The Bully Project, a film for kids coming out in 2013 
http://thebullyproject.com/ 

The Exalted One Speaks:
Story of The Exalted. Church of the Blue Moon/Moonbeams on your Naked Booty!
http://biteycat.weebly.com

Nothing goes to waste. Pugs eat the raw meat, cats lap up the blood, and I eat the Styrofoam package.

How to handle scorpion stings

Bookmark this page 

Skull necklace bling by artist. $20. Very cool, all different, real hemp 

Note that each skull has 2 faces. Pic shows 3 but I have made 7 so far.

Hamann Capitol and Associates

Hamann Capitol and Associates

Reverse investment angels

Bring your deep pockets

Golden balls welcome

we do the best we can.

Our CEO is a cat

A face you can usually trust!

King Farrell (mind like a steel trap)

Please note: every disclaimer ever written applies to material on this page. Scrolling down this page means that you agree to these terms.

gofundme.com/f/critter-and-castle-fun

I swear by my beard that I will do the best I can for all clients. 

I need two million USD right away. For your money you get something very cool.  

farrellhamann@sbcglobal.net 

Located in Sacramento, California

Note: If you're here looking for a pecker checker, you are at the wrong location, we have no real medical experience whatsoever so move along or we will call the cops.

Your money is in safe hands (note the Black Hand and the Jolly Roger) For really loyal investors who maybe "act up" a bit, get frisky, we have a complementary (free) burial plan in the New Jersey Pine Barrens or just about anywhere in Newark, your call. 

 OBEY!

Don't you just hate it when you bury a chest of gold out in the woods and when you go to retrieve it, you can't find it AGAIN?

Gargoyle Man (former investor)

Madam La Duck will make sure your "de" investment experience will be a pleasant one. 

We can't confirm this but it has been said that a session with Madam La Duck is somewhat like "wrapping your privates in aluminum foil and running out into an electrical storm." The "pud" shown here is a mock up, of course, only intended to illustrate the point. No true pud was harmed in the creation of this photograph. Muhahahaha

Before committing our mighty brain power to the firm of Hamann Capitol and Associates, we ran a very successful dating service in Manhattan with a very elite clientele. 

Bitey the Cat Dating Service

Before we closed our doors for good, one rejected client's last words to Bitey were: "May you be starving and drop your last bran muffin in the camel's pen"  We don't know what that means, exactly and have engaged a cryptographer to decipher it for us. He also said he was going to fire a cruise missile suppository up our shorts and, since he was highly connected in the world of arms sales internationally, we took him seriously.

Our Foreign Technology Office has gathered some very valuable materials (examples above and below) often items never before seen by Western Intelligence Circles. You have to promise not to copy or sketch these devices to proceed further. Also, we refuse to deal with North Korea in any capacity having been stiffed in the past on "Balls of Fire" brand cheap Chinese bicycles. Shame on you, NK!! News Flash: James Wigderson of WI and his stupid blog suks ass

It is categorically untrue that King Farrell (formerly Old Butthairs) leaked highly sophisticated technology to the "Eastern Block" in the form of instruction that: while they are panning for uranium, if they dip their asses into the icy creek.  (they are less likely to flop forward since the wet butt adds just the correct amount of weight to maintain stability)  I think the NSA will agree that this technique has been a well known "secret" for many years. All Hamann ever did was inform them that the FBI would gladly provide free assays on all uranium, no questions asked. No crime there... Just being helpful.

Warning: unauthorized use of this material will result in the LAPD citing your Orthodontist for harboring beavers!!

Our Motto: "Hang higher than a Hamann

I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your dress up!

My evil twin in the bathtub

Coded message. Authorization MK-Ultra Control

 http://castlecollection.blogspot.com/
World's Finest museum quality toys for the super wealthy. Tycoons take note. 

                       Pièce de résistance

That would be the "danglers", people. Hidden behind the palm frond

 Here's a joke I read in the Wall Street Journal of all places. Just posted it to Max on G+:

A Soviet Secret Service cop goes out with his wife to the woods to pick mushrooms. They look and look but can't find any. None. Finally the cop finds one mushroom.

So the Russian cop finds a stick and goes up and says: "OK, tell me, where are the other mushrooms?"

The mushroom doesn't talk so the guy beat the crap out of the mushroom with his stick....

The wife says: "What the Hell is wrong with you, are you crazy?"

He says: "I was provoked!"

                       Above: Official bird of Hamann Angel Capitol and Associates
Pic taken outside the Golden Arches. It is a dear, noble bird even though it plucked hairs 

off the top of my head where it is thin.  (See the link to: California Bird Dude below)

I think Donald Trump uses this crap in his hair. 

Dumbest little dickhead in the twitter universe? Could be: @Serr8d #StopRush

Cover asset, California Bird Dude: http://cabirddude.blogspot.com/ 

The Exalted One (formerly Old Butthairs) 

Above: AKA Basel/Elmer on his own spy series on YouTube. See Intercepted Video Transmissions, Source Unknown. Channel farrellhamann on YT

@farrellhamann on twitter

farrellhamann@sbcglobal.net 

Above: The History and Social Influence of the Potato. 

New: Forming the Sacramento CEO Club. If you live in San Francisco, Marin County, Granite Bay, Carmel, NYC or elsewhere, no problem. Right now housed in my semi humble home/studio. Very cool. Access to genius. 

http://sacceoclub.blogspot.com/ 

 farrellhamann@sbcglobal.net 

New: Installed art work in my large car shed so you can see cool artworks and hang out. About a block from the Kitchen in Sacramento, CA 

The Inner Sanctum of the Elite of California 

Home of the rich and powerful. Consultant genius to the movers and shakers and idle rich. (High net worth tycoons)

Above: Envoy of billionaires, royalty, and CEO's

 Corruption starts on K St. in Washington D.C. 

Says the Great Blue frog

http://95825.blogspot.com/2013/05/cool-old-full-length-films.html 

Magic Skull Bling-bling necklaces. contact me  

Ahem

 Clutter, tangled wires and the yellow foot of the giant dick with feet sculpture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mask of David Koch

Mask of greedy, evil billionaire, David Koch the oil man and Dixie Cup dude

Die Maske des gierigen, bösen Milliardär David Koch das Öl Mann und Dixie Cup Kumpel

Mask of Charles Koch, brother of David Koch and a booger eating fool and punk

 Mask of Charles Koch, der Bruder von David Koch und ein Popel essen Narr und Punk

gofundme.com/f/critter-and-castle-fun

David Koch: no offense to the pig intended

Mr. Skull Bobblehead sings: Hitler has only got one ball.. on 
The Farrell Hamann Show

Spooky Walmart Greeters hate the Koch brothers

Koch funded: Americans for Prosperity would like to segregate this school system in North Carolina #AFP

Print up your own funny Car Talk Traffic Tickets and hand them out to crazy drivers!
http://www.cartalk.com/content/car-talk-traffic-tickets-0

Trump Hotels will burn your toast and Donald's hair looks like ass
 Trump Hotels wird brennen Sie Ihre Toast und Donald das Haar sieht aus wie Arsch

Right wing KFBK Sacramento radio host, Ed Crane. Lap dog, liar, and punk, A birther..

Church of the Blue Moon/Moonbeams on your Naked Booty

Email: Farrell Hamann Fine Art/Writing

Rush Limbaugh (Limbaughzbub

Masks for sale by artist

 Masken zum Verkauf des Künstlers. Dies ist ein rechter Flügel Radio Freak, Rush Limbaugh

Kubota B6000 tractor. Just like the one I had except I had a loader on the front. Also came with a 6 ft. Woods mower, a HD bush chipper, and a ripper.

Who is the dumbest right wing tweeter in the USA? @Serr8d That's my vote. Guy has his head up Rush Limbaugh's fat ass. Boycott Subway, they sponsor Limbaugh and use Koch brother's Dixie Cups. Thanks to Serr8d, I'm going to more than double my #StopRush efforts. That would include KFBK Right Wing Propaganda radio and Clear Channel (that uses paid callers)

Senior Male underwear model and artist, Farrell Hamann. America's favorite

 Senioren männlich Unterwäsche-Model und Künstlerin, Farrell Hamann. Amerikas beliebtester

 My 25 room palace. Each tower has a secret.

Meine 25 Zimmer-Palast. Jeder Turm hat ein Geheimnis. Museum Qualität Investition Qualität Fine Art für Ihren kleinen Prinzen oder einer Prinzessin oder als touristische Attraktion. Die weltweit besten.

 Several buildings in the Castle Collection of California sculptor, Farrell Hamann. There are ten total not counting the very large castles, palaces, and tower. 

Mehrere Gebäude in der Burg Collection of California Bildhauer, Farrell Hamann. Es gibt zehn insgesamt nicht eingerechnet die sehr großen Burgen, Schlösser und Turm.

 Gargoyle vase or urn with "wedding flowers" picked behind a Chinese restaurant in Sacramento, California

(where you have to be somewhat careful that you don't get eaten by a cougar or mountain lion)
 Gargoyle Vase oder Urne mit "Wedding Flowers" nahm hinter einem chinesischen Restaurant in Sacramento, Kalifornien

Below: furry man boobs (this could be Serr8d for all I know)

Source: marvelousmanboobs.com via Farrell on Pinterest

Only known map to Old Fart's secret gold mine in the mother lode of California. The trail is very faint and seldom used. Some elderly local people may know something but are keeping quiet. The area around the prospector's cabin is all dug up, however. Proof that someone is looking. It's really a fantastic placer deposit, not a hard rock mine but you can tell that the gold didn't travel far due to the incredible size of the gold nuggets. Sorry, I was drinking when I made the map at Old Fart's behest.  
Nur bekannte Karte, um geheime Gold Old Fart-Mine in der Mother Lode in Kalifornien. Der Weg ist sehr schwach und selten genutzt. Einige ältere Menschen vor Ort wissen vielleicht etwas, sind aber den Mund halten. Das Gebiet rund um den Goldsucher Kabine ist alles umgegraben, aber. Der Nachweis, dass jemand zuschaut. Es ist wirklich ein fantastisches Placer Kaution, kein Hard Rock Mine aber man kann sagen, dass das Gold nicht weit reisen, aufgrund der unglaublichen Größe des Gold-Nuggets. Leider wurde ich trinken, wenn ich die Karte im Old Fart Geheiß gemacht.

http://greenbuildingelements.com/2009/02/20/granite-countertops-radon-what-the-granite-industry-doesn%E2%80%99t-want-you-to-know/

http://forums.iboats.com/showthread.php?t=22283
Above: Forum, worse car you've ever owned. Also link to worse boat you've ever owned.

Atlas Shrugged, the book by freak, Ayn Rand? Read this: Atlas Drugged by Dr. Stephen L. Goldstein http://www.aynrandbedamned.blogspot.com/

Asshole of the Month is james Wigderson of Wisconsin. An annoying, petty little rat fuck

Mitt is an asshole (for those of you who are confused or drank the coolaid

http://prisonmap.com/ 

  Private Prisons totally suck.

California's new art museum! Where the cool people hang out. Private collection of sculptor, Farrell Hamann. You can bring kids, dogs, smoke a cigar, or just hang out. In Sacramento. Just call: 1-800-916-7696 Art students welcome. See the famous mosaic eggs, palaces, chateau on rock, Lion tower.  Worth the drive down from Granite Bay or Tahoe, or up from SF or Marin County.

Kinetic sculpture. Marble tower toy

"Friendly Series" Acrylic Paintings

Max says Karma has been kind to me:

I suppose, Max, that karma has been kind to me (like you say). Life could have treated me with more unkindness. My brother, for example got a live steam burn on his dick, married a woman so strong that she'd turn the water tap so tightly he couldn't budge it and frequently would punch him in the gut while he slept. All that could have happened to me... Wife thinks that I'm lucky!

I probably am lucky... I was cute back when it really counted and I'm lucky that all those guys whose wives and girlfriends that I fucked didn't kill me. I could have gotten an Academy Award for acting back then with my "innocent" who me kind of affectation.

When My brother, who I'll call Garibaldi, burned his dick with live steam, he was naked and hung a very wet towel on a really hot wall heater. His dick poked the towel against the heater and there was a very loud: Pssssst!!!!  Right then and there, he should have dipped it in cold water and swished it around but he was probably not thinking clearly. Probably just blew on it like it was a smoking Colt 45. Not smart.

A penis injury is never funny.... Hahahahahahaha (sorry). Most severe dick injuries are caused by slamming it against a hard surface like a desk causing it to break. Yes, they can break. If broken, seek medical help immediately, pronto! Many guys don't seek professional help, wait too long then it is too late. Don't be that guy, spread the word.

Never broke the pecker but was almost human a kabob sans the heat. I used to climb trees and, with wild abandon, jump down into near by bushes to break my fall. I was in Possum Hollow in Michigan and I jumped down into a bush... The top neatly snapped off forming a lethal point which shot up my pant leg (just missing the jewels) slid up my belly and under my shirt and ended up putting some considerable pressure with the point under my jaw. I couldn't move, I just swayed there for a very long time in the Michigan sun. Finally, my muffled screams reached someone and they cut me down.  Lucky?

Vagina: Don't let clueless right wing males control the agenda!
A Farrell Hamann Fine Art, Out by Noon, video production. Sacramento, CA

Bully stole my lunch!

 Carpet repair by professional. Much better than a crappy Stainmaster Carpet sold by the Koch Industries. Haha David!
List of Koch brother's products to boycott (The Benzine Killers)
STROKE WARNING SIGNS 

  Bad Ju Ju, this billionaire twerp and his brother Charles is just as bad. Exalted One says sneak up and sprinkle him with butthairs but I don't know.. Risky!  Exulted One always coming up with solutions above my pay grade

BAN GMO'S